


Watershed

by yourmothersmeatloaf



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abandonment, Anxiety, Fear, Hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-09
Updated: 2015-07-09
Packaged: 2018-04-08 10:02:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4300551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourmothersmeatloaf/pseuds/yourmothersmeatloaf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm sorry if this is crappy</p>
            </blockquote>





	Watershed

They weren't answering. You shrugged it off, they were probably busy. By the third day you were concerned.  
You knew you made mistakes in your past. Big ones. You knew you had people who wanted to ruin the happiness you had found in Rose, Jade and Dave. Maybe they finally had enough of seeing your smile and decided to have a "little chat" with those that were your whole world?  
The thought seemed irrational, but it was impossible to tell.  
You sent your three friends messages throughout the day. Just about random nothings, things like cool movies you've seen, a new series you've started to read.  
The thing that got to you was how your friends were always online, reading what you sent. But they never answered.  
At first it was Jade who was ignoring you, only Jade. After awhile of the reading-but-not-responding thing you told her you would stop bothering her.  
No response.  
You brought this up to Dave. He said that she probably just didn't know how to respond. You couldn't help the surge of anger you felt towards them both.

EB: then why didn't she just say that?  
EB: she didnt have to ignore me for several days.

You did feel bad for your words, but then stopped. What you said was completely true. She wasn't being fair.  
"Unless my old friends got to her and now she hates me..." your mind reminded you of this minute detail and your anger died immediately.  
Then Rose was away at camp for the week. It was only a week, right? You could live.  
You do not know how much you truly lean on someone until you are forced to walk by yourself.  
Then it was Dave.  
He still answered half the time. All one worded answers, nothing commital. You could tell you were bothering him, not wanted.  
You were disliked, not an idiot.  
You were nearly certain at this point that your old friends has indeed gotten to your current ones.

EB: i should probably just give you all your space...  
TG: cut it with this self pitying shit egbert  
TG: we know what you did and really i dont want to put up with that  
TG: its really shitty you know

Your whole body flared up, seemingly on fire. Though this wasn't a stop-drop-and roll situation. This was the realization of your years of practicing self control over anxiety being absolutely and completely useless when the time came to it.

TG: come on now you have nothing to say  
TG: no shitty explanation  
TG: youre renowned for those

Your eyes welled up with tears and quickly those tears fell down your cheeks as you stared at the words. The tears were as hot as molten lava and you seemed to be thinking everything but nothing at the same time.  
Your brain in the matter of seconds seemed to only comprehend one sentence.  
"What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?"  
You rubbed your face before your trembling fingers settle over your mouth.  
"Holy shit." The words are barely above a whisper but all the same they seemed to be too loud. As if everyone in the world heard them. As if Dave himself heard them.

TG: youre such a piece of shit egbert

And just like that you were blocked. Moments after there was another three toned bing informing you that Jade, too, had blocked you from pesterchum. From her life.  
Your hand remained to weakly cover your mouth, your breaths proving to be the only thing on this planet hotter than the tears pooling on the desk next to your elbow.  
What were you to do then?  
Where did you go from there?  
Your breaking was shaky and uneven. Your face was surely as red as it felt. Going downstairs was not an option. Then you would have to explain things to your dad. You couldn't do that.  
But maybe you had to.  
Your life had seemed to stop moving, the world frozen on its axis.  
Out of nowhere there was one pop from your computer. The sound of a message reaching you. You almost couldn't dare to look.  
But you did. It was from Rose. The only one left to slam the door in your face. There, in pink text, two words laid plainly.

TT: Do it.

You stood as if this was the last thing you would ever do before God striked you down. You pushed your chair back sending it spiraling until it hit your bed with a dull thud. You ran to the stairs.  
You nearly fell all the way down the stairs, stumbling on the sevond step. Regaining your balance you ran down the stairs and to the kitchen door. You stood there, red face, messy hair, tears falling.

"Dad?" Your voice shook. He turned, dropping his spatula, eyes wide.  
"Son?"  
"What are the two rules of parenthood?" You choked. He looked so concerned in that moment, it broke your heart. You didn't deserve that. You were a piece of shit.  
"To love unconditionally and to protect you with my life and my soul."  
You stared at each other, the sound of your fractured breathing drowned out by the hum of the dishwasher.  
"Son...what's wrong?"  
"Dad, I-- I did something bad."  
You admitted it out loud, however vague. Your head couldn't deal with it. Knowing it was almost over.  
You lost your best friends...but you couldn't lose a father. Could you?  
He opened his arms to you, noticing your seams absolutely breaking. Your were unraveling, unable to keep it together. You ran to him. You hugged him, so tightly. Never before did you think of this man to be the thing to almost literally hold you together.  
Kids don't consider their parents to be much of anything. Until the watershed moment. That watershed moment always comes. Always pointing you in the direction of rightness and purity.  
The pain will pursue you and there will be no way to stop it.  
Your father only gripped tighter not pushing you to talk until you were ready. You knew the anxiety would be eating him alive.  
"I won't go to jail. It wasn't illegal. Just so...morally wrong. I hurt my friends, they're gone." Your dad knew how much those people meant to you. He didn't know what to say. That was okay because neither did you. You just held on as if life depended on it.  
And at that time, you truly believe it did.


End file.
